Ask

Stepping into my car Monday morning, it was still pitch black outside. The sun had not even began hinting towards rising, and I was already loading up to leave home for Heber Valley Girls Camp. After a somewhat stressful week of work, full of finishing touches before my week away from work, I was down to the wire on girls camp preparations. Craft projects, decor projects, packing, planning all got pushed to the last minute, and I was kind of stressed as I left that morning. 

As I began driving down 6200 South, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was missing something, or that I was anxious or unprepared. I decided to offer up a prayer to Heavenly Father to help me. I prayed that I would feel comfortable and capable as I served as a leader. I prayed that I would have the Spirit to guide my actions all week, and that I would be able to connect with the young women in my care. Lastly, I prayed that I would be able to see these young women as Heavenly Father sees them, and to feel a bit of the love that He has towards them. That prayer instantly brought the Spirit into my little car as I cruised down I-215. 

If you have ever been to Heber Valley camp, you know what a special place it is. It is owned and operated by the Church, and is home to 78 of the sweetest senior missionary couples. I was amazed at the true love that these missionaries had for each other, and each of the young women that visited that camp. They are the perfect examples to these girls. The camp has cabins with space for 12 girls and 4 leaders in each. There are civilized restroom facilities that even provide hot showers, for those that wake up early enough to beat the crowds. The natural flora is stunning, with campsites cut out of the natural forest. Wildflowers bloom on the roadsides, and deer, moose, chipmunks, squirrels and rabbits  are abundant. It truly is the perfect setting for the perfect girls camp. 

The most special piece that is unique to the Heber Valley camp is the undeniable Spirit that abounds there. It is impossible to deny that there is a feeling of peace, unity and love in that camp. And this provided the perfect setting and backdrop for what turned out to be one of the best Girls camps I have ever attended. 

The week was busy, our schedules filled every day with hikes, challenge courses, devotionals,  meals, lakes, crafts, and more. From the get go, our girls were running from place to place, having amazing experiences one after the other. It was exhausting! They were able to attend a devotional given by LDS singer Calee Reed, who really related to our young women. She was cute, funny and extremely talented, and really had a special Spirit that she brought with her to our camp. She spoke about recognizing who we really are when we say we are children of God, and how we need to come to know this for ourselves. 

The theme of our camp was "Ask", which at first I was not entirely sure what to do with. It seemed very broad, and unspecific to me. But, as I came to know our young women better, I knew it was exactly what we needed at this time. The stake provided posters where our girls could write questions that they wanted to know the answers to. One such question was "Why do we have to get married in the Temple?". More on that later. But these questions showed us what our girls needed to know more about, and what we could focus on as leaders. 

On Wednesday, our Stake presidency joined us at camp for a special fireside where they were able to answer those questions and more. At this point, a massive thunderstorm descended on our camp, and we sat, freezing in the pavilion listening to our Stake president. The Spirit was thick as President Farley answered the questions that our young women needed answers to. Several of the girls in our ward had their questions read and answered during the meeting. I was amazed by the vulnerability shown by our awesome young women!

As I mentioned before, I had prayed to see these young women for their divinity and grace that is innate to them. Later on, after I had pondered the theme of "Ask", I prayed that I would be able to be an example or provide answers to some of the questions that our young women had. Well, my prayers were answered! I grew to be very close with every single young woman. I loved listening to their stories, and watching them interact with each other. They served each other, loved each other, and laughed together! The Spirit of love and unity was so strong in our camp, I was moved to tears several times. 

On Thursday, as I walked back to camp after having visited the restrooms, I was walking with a young woman, talking about how the camp had gone. I began talking about how I had been through the temple already, even though I was not getting married. I spoke about temple marriages I had been able to attend and about being sealed in the temple. I shared my personal feelings that I wouldn't miss out on the blessings offered through the sealing for anything! A temporary marriage would not bring the same level of permanence and sanctity that is offered through a temple marriage. As I paused in my ramblings, I turned and looked at this young woman's face as she said "That was my question."

Instantly, the Spirit filled the space between us, and I reached out and hugged her. I saw her then as Heavenly Father sees her. A beautiful daughter to Him, who needed Him to answer her. She had tears in her eyes, and I did too. It was one of the most special moments I have experienced. It was an answer to both of our prayers, simultaneously, and taught us both. I'm so glad that I was able to be of service to her. 

Patience: A purifying process

You don't become a master pianist in one lesson.

I am so grateful that in this life we are able to experience joy through anticipation. There is nothing better than having something in the distance to look forward to, to aspire to, to hope for, to prepare for, etc. I often try to give myself things to anticipate, for instance Girls' camp coming up next week, or a big vacation I have planned for Thanksgiving. I love the giddiness that comes with planning, and the thought that goes in to the details, planning for situations and dreaming up activities. I find that I almost always enjoy the anticipation more than the event itself, which is odd.

Anticipation requires a level of patience that can be difficult to muster. I had always thought that I was a patient person ('had' being the key word). Since leaving high school, I have found myself growing increasingly impatient with life, even though the days and months fly by quicker. I think I have a character flaw, I hate to admit it, but it's true. I am constantly looking to the future for my happiness. The "I will be happy when.." syndrome. I know, it sounds ridiculous, and it is! It's not to say that I am incapable of finding happiness in the moment, because I can. It's just that I always think future events and moments will bring me the most happiness. It could be true, but it shouldn't be. 

It struck me today while listening to our Stake Patriarch speak in Sacarament meeting. He was talking about the timing of our patriarchal blessings. The promises made in my blessing will be given to me in Heavenly Father's timing, and according to my faithfulness. **Mind Blowing**. I've heard all of this a million times, but I guess it never really computed? I don't know. I can be faithful for 50 years, and some of those blessings will still be waiting to transpire. Heavenly Father is an infinitely patient man. All I can do is be faithful, and trust in His timing. 

The patriarch mentioned that oftentimes, being faithful will lead us to the right place, but maybe not the final destination. We can be lead to the general vicinity of our blessings, and Heavenly Father will lead us to our destination from there. If I had not been faithful to begin with, I never would have been in the vicinity where the blessing was bestowed. 

I know this to be true from personal experience. When I began feeling the need to get my patriarchal blessing done, I was a Junior in high school. I knew I wanted to know what my future held, and I needed to start making decisions (college, mission, etc.) I believe I got two recommends to receive my Patriarchal blessing , both of which expired before I could use them. I was SO busy those last two years of HS. It should have been a priority, yes, but I just couldn't find a time to do it. 

Fast forward to my freshman year at BYU. I was feeling overwhelmed and unsure about what to major in. I had no clue what I was going to be doing, almost like running forward blind. I knew that I needed to finally have my Patriarchal blessing to guide me. I got another recommend, third time's the charm, and scheduled with the BYU YSA 4th stake Patriarch, Glen Tuckett (former BYU Athletic Director). My parents drove down to Provo that evening to be with me. 

For a man who knew absolutely NOTHING about me, he sure knew A LOT about me! My blessing was the single most poetic, prophetic, and personal thing I had ever heard. It answered every concern, every hope, and every fear that I had. With profound statements it declared my future, counseled me, and soothed me. It even mentioned BYU, which was a comfort and surprise to this unsure student. Had I received my blessing any earlier than that moment, I don't know that it would have been as complete for me. The time and place in which I finally received it was the perfect. That night, I truly learned that Heavenly Father's timing is perfect. I had wanted my blessing years before that day, but that day ended up being the ideal time, and I believe I was finally prepared to the point I needed to be. I wasn't patient naturally, it was forced, but I am grateful for it. 

There are many things contained in that blessing that I CAN NOT WAIT FOR. Which is silly because I have to wait for them. For now, I know that I am where I am supposed to be. I am doing the things that I need to be doing. I am consistently trying to be faithful, and striving to improve where I can. President Uchtdorf has a quote that I just LOVE. "Patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace." How perfectly said! This process is long and arduous, but in the end, it is sweet and whole. 

Anyways, here are some other quotes that I adored: 

"Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!" - Uchtdorf

"By patiently walking in the path of discipleship, we demonstrate to ourselves the measure of our faith and our willingness to accept God's will rather than ours." - Uchtdorf

"The Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." - Mosiah 24:15

"Our task is to become our best selves. One of God's greatest gifts to us is the hoy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final." - Thomas S Monson

The Pure Love of Christ

There are a lot of stories of Christ and his ministry in the scriptures. That's basically the point of the scriptures, to testify of Him. But one of my absolute favorite stories of Christ is shown in 3 Nephi 17. Christ is visiting His people in the Americas and what happens makes me cry every time I read it. 

At the beginning of this chapter, Christ had finished His purpose in coming to them, and was preparing to leave. However, "when Jesus had thus spoken, he cast his eyes round about again on the multitude, and behold they were in tears, and did look steadfastly upon him as if they would ask him to tarry a little longer with them. And he said... Behold, my bowels are filled with compassion towards you." I put myself in the place of these people. After generations of hearing that Christ would someday visit them, and to have waited faithfully for so long, I too would have wanted more time with Him. And, in response to their unspoken desire, Christ has compassion towards them. He knows the contents of their hearts and, I imagine, He was pretty amazed and joyous at their purity. So, not only does He stay a little longer, He continues on to work miracles for them. 

First, Christ asks them to bring forth all of the sick and afflicted among them. "He did heal them every one as they were brought forth unto him. And they did all, both they who had been healed and they who were whole, bow down at his feet, and did worship him...and did kiss his feet, insomuch they did bathe his feet with their tears." This service that he has performed many times, healing and making whole, was performed, this time, for the most grateful servants. Unlike the 10 lepers, where only one showed his gratitude, every recipient and every onlooker gave thanks to Christ for His miracles. How incredible were these people? They were so grateful just to have Christ's presence, and when he worked these miracles, their gratitude only increased. 

Second, after seeing the graciousness and joy at the last miracle, Christ then invites all of the children to be brought unto Him. He commanded the multitude to kneel to the earth. (This is where the tears start flowing for me, every time!) And after they had knelt "Jesus groaned within himself and said: Father, I am troubled because of the wickedness of the House of Israel. And when he had said these words, he himself also knelt upon the earth, and he prayed unto the Father." The blessing that Christ bestowed upon these children was incredible, so much so that the witnesses to this prayer bore record that "The eye hath never seen, neither hath the ear heard, before, so great and marvelous things as we saw and heard Jesus speak unto the Father...and no one can conceive of the joy which filled our souls at the time we heard him pray for us unto the Father." To me, this proves to me that Christ is currently praying on my behalf to our Father. I know He is. I know that He cares about me right now, and through everything I experience. It brings me so much joy knowing that He cares about me, loves me, and is actively cheering me on! 

This chapter ends in probably the most awesome way possible. Jesus said "Blessed are ye because of your faith. And now behold, my joy is full. And when he had said these words, he wept...and he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them. And when he had done this He wept again." Now here is the mind-blowing amazing part. Jesus spake to the multitude and said "Behold your little ones. And as they looked to behold they cast their eyes towards heaven, and they saw the heavens open, and they saw angels descending out of heaven as it were in the midst of fire; and they came down and encircled those little ones about, and they were encircled with fire, and the angels did minister unto them." When the scriptures invite us to become as little children, this is what I think of. Because of their purity, their righteousness, innocence, and pure joy, they are beloved by Christ, and they were surrounded by angels from heaven! The veil must have been very thin at this moment. I am sure that angels are with us more often than we are aware, but to see them ministering unto their children, must have been an incredible moment. 

In this chapter, I find evidence of the pure love of Christ. He truly loves each one of God's children. Even though there were over 2,500 people gathered, He went one by one and ministered unto them. After reading this chapter, I want to become closer to Christ! I want to follow His example and cherish and serve God's children one by one. And I know that I am loved. No matter how lonely or unimportant I feel, I know that there is someone who is cheering me on and praying in my behalf. I can feel His love while I read this book, and I know it is true. 

Closer to Perfection, Closer to Him

3 Nephi: 47-48 says "Old things are done away, and all things have become new. Therefore I would that ye should be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect."

Being a creature of habit, I often find it extremely difficult to change. With my last post, I spoke about needing to be constantly improving, since I find I am often too stagnant. And as I change, and give good effort, I also tend to revert to my old ways. I think that is why this scripture really touches my heart.

Sometimes, it is good to become new. Look at Baptism, for example. When we are baptized we are made new in Christ's name! We are washed clean and given a fresh start. Likewise, with the sacrament, each week we are given the same opportunity for change. What a blessing this is to me, and anyone else who is too susceptible to repeating past mistakes! As this scripture says, 'old things are done away', and we no longer need to worry about what we've repented of.

So, we need to take each opportunity every week to start anew. Christ says in this verse 'I would that ye should be perfect even as I'! This tells me that we do have the potential, if Jesus is telling us that we do! We have the potential to be perfect, even as Christ is perfect! It is entirely up to us whether we will accept this offering from Christ himself.

I remember back when I was about 11, and I had a realization. Why didn't I just wait until I was on my deathbed to get Baptized?! Then I would for sure be perfect when I got to heaven! I was actually mad at my 8 year old self for agreeing to baptism so early in life, leaving so many sins and mistakes in the future.

I realize now how naive those thoughts were. I don't need to be baptized on my deathbed, because I have the opportunity each Sunday to start over! As long as I am faithful and partake of the sacrament, I will have the opportunity to be forgiven for my mistakes.

The other thing I have realized over time, is that the Atonement is not just about sins and mistakes. It is about every single pain, suffering, tragedy, heartache, ailment, confusion, shortcoming as well as joyful moments, happy days, cherished memories and success in our lives. Because Christ performed the Atonement and lived a spotless life, He is able to be a part of my flawed, beautiful life. He is there for every need, every moment and every emotion I have. The least that I can do in return for His loving sacrifice is live my life in a way that would please Him. Being perfect may not be entirely realistic immediately, but through obedience to the commandments and continual effort, I will continue to draw closer and closer to perfection, and thus closer to Him.

What Lack I Yet?

   This week has been a rough one. I'll be honest, there were many times where I felt completely out of my league, and almost paralyzed from the fear of everything I had on my to-do list. I have been so focused on everything BIG I had to get done, 5 tests, 2 essays, 8 quizzes, etc. And I let the most important things (prayer, scripture study, etc.) slip. I was NOT on the top of my spiritual game.
   Then Sunday hit. I went to Sacrament Meeting, maybe a little stressed, but mostly exhausted from my busy week. And one scripture that the speaker talked about really struck home with me.
   In Matthew 19, Jesus is talking with a particularly successful young man. This guy had it all, wealth, accomplishments, respect from others, and he was a very good follower of Christ. It would seem that he was about ready to be translated, he was so perfect. He even begged the question of Jesus, "What lack I yet?" (v. 20) (Pretty bold thing to ask.) Christ's response was "If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me." (v. 21) It is the young man's response that struck me the most. In verse 22 it says "But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions." HOW SAD IS THAT?
   Here is a person who has devoutly followed Christ, and has been greatly blessed for his obedience! He has been given great possessions, and yet, when Christ himself asks him to give it all up, he turned away sorrowful.
   Of course, this talk prompted me to ask internally, What lack I yet? What is it that I need to work on? What do I need to do in order to be closer to Christ? What is preventing me from reaching my spiritual potential? Of course, when we ask these things of Heavenly Father, He's going to let you know, and in return He expects you to act on what He has shown you. The list of things I lack is quite extensive, as I'm sure many people's are, and many of these things are very difficult to just 'give up'. When I realized my hesitation to be immediately obedient, I remembered the actions of the young man. I am sure, after working hard, and being so successful, giving up everything he owned would be very, very difficult to do. And his response was to disobey and turn away. I do not want that to be my response. It can't be my response.
   The scariest thing of all: I really relate to this young man. Not in the 'I'm perfect, what else could I possibly lack' way, but in the greatly blessed way. I know that I have been greatly blessed, in many, many ways. I am beyond grateful for everything that has been provided for me. I am not wealthy, but I am able to support myself. I am at BYU, the school of my dreams! I am studying something I am passionate about. I have a wonderful family that supports me in everything I dream up and do. There are so many different ways that I have been blessed by Heavenly Father. And with every blessing, greater obedience is expected.
   So. In an effort to not be like the young man, and be obedient, I have written down my list of ways that I need to improve. Of course I won't share it here, it's personal, but I know that if I can improve on these things, Heavenly Father will bless me even more. If I can work on these aspects, He will support me through my trials, and help me to accomplish the things that I need to. This will take time, sacrifice, effort, and many prayers, but I know I can do it. It reminds me of this scripture from Mosiah 4:27: "And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order."
   Join me, and pray with the question "What lack I yet?". Heavenly Father will show you the ways in which you can improve, and I urge you to be obedient. Do not be like the young man that turned away. Instead, own up to your weaknesses, and through Christ, they can be made strengths.

Repetition Leads to Inspiration

I don't know how many of you follow the General Authorities on facebook, but I do, and they are awesome. I love seeing our Apostles and Prophet online, hanging out on social media! It makes me giggle sometimes. I follow David A. Bednar, and something he posted this week was really interesting to me.
He shared the following story:
     "My wife, Susan, and I have learned a remarkable revelatory lesson during my years of service in           the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

      As we travel and serve together around the world, Susan records simple notes about the places we       visit, the people we meet, and the topics we teach. She has become adept at noticing in various             venues the things that are dissimilar in my explanations of the same gospel principles. Susan                 listens for the statements I have never used before, changes in an explanation, or refinements in           the answer to a question. Interestingly, the messages always are the same and always are                     different.

      We have learned to treasure the spiritual gems that are revealed through repetition. The distinctive       nuggets of inspiration and spiritual knowledge that flow into our minds and hearts as we repeatedly       teach and testify of gospel truths are the product of a line upon line and precept upon precept               pattern of revelation. Repetition is a vehicle through which the Holy Ghost can enlighten our minds,       influence our hearts, and enlarge our understanding."

First of all, I love that his wife makes those notes. I would think after hearing the same lessons and stories again and again for years, you would start to tune them out. Instead, she listens intently and notices the subtle differences. I had never stopped to consider how the small differences might amount to revelation and personal application. It just shows me that our Apostles are indeed inspired. Their messages are inspired and tailored to each audience, fine tuned by the Spirit they carry with them. How amazing is that! 

When you read John 15; 16, you begin to appreciate the Apostles even more. It says "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain; that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you." Another scripture that I read this week that really testifies of the Apostles is in 3 Nephi 12:1 it says "And it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words unto Nephi, and to those who had been called, (now the number of them who had been called, and received power and authority to baptize, was twelve) and behold, he stretched forth his hand unto the multitude, and cried unto them, saying: Blessed are ye if ye shall give heed unto the words of these twelve whom I have chosen from among you to minister unto you, and to be your servants; and unto them I have given power that they may baptize you with water; and after that ye are baptized with water, behold, I will baptize you with fire and with the Holy Ghost; therefore blessed are ye if ye shall believe in me and be baptized, after that ye have seen me and know that I am." 

I love these scriptures because they show us the power of the Apostles, that they are indeed men chosen by Heavenly Father to minister to His children on Earth. They have been ordained, and have received power, to do the Lord's work. How amazingly blessed we are to live in an age where I can scroll through facebook and read the words of Apostles!!! Wow! 

Second reason I loved Elder Bednar's story: Repetition. I think a lot of times, we (and I mean me) get caught up in the repetition of our church meetings. Three hours, every Sunday, and once a month a Sunday where we are super hungry (or hangry, whichever type of faster you are...). It can be tedious, when approached incorrectly. I think this is one of the reasons the general authorities have been stressing the importance of keeping the Sabbath day holy. We need to make this day our escape-from-the-world day. I know for myself, other than church on Sunday, I don't do much to distinguish Sunday from any other day, other than the fact that I don't shop. I know that I need to become better at treating Sundays as my personal recharge day. 

I thought when I started the Book of Mormon again recently, that it would be the same from the last time I read it. I was so wrong. Even though I am rereading the same book, this time I am at a whole new stage in life, I am making big decisions and planning my future out, and I am seeing all new insights in the Book of Mormon. It is perfectly tailored to my needs, right now, at this point in my life. 

Basically, I think that we need repetition in this life. Sometimes it takes a knock to the head for us to finally understand something, or this time we hear it, it means something completely new to us! I have never valued repetition much before, but I understand and value it a whole lot more now. 

Studying: It makes all the difference.

Currently, I am on day 25 of a 90-day Book of Mormon reading challenge that was issued by my YSA Bishop. 25 days of reading the Book of Mormon, and I am beginning Mosiah. Throughout my whole life I have struggled to establish a daily scripture reading habit. No matter how much I tried, it never stuck with me. Even when I was in Young Women's and all I had to do to finish my medallion was finish the Book of Mormon, I still couldn't get into the habit! I did eventually finish, but only after three days of non-stop reading/listening to it. That's why I was hesitant when I decided to take two classes very heavy on scripture reading, and why I was concerned when we began this ward challenge.

25 days later, I can say that I have finally established the habit! Right after church the day our Bishop issued the challenge, I began the Book of Mormon anew with the intent to actually follow this challenge. We have a bookmark that tells us which chapters to read each night, and what to mark. I decided to only mark 1. Whenever a reference is made to Christ and 2. Personal revelations. I began reading, and I have kept up! Every night I read my challenge chapters, and then my assigned scriptures for class. And in 25 days, I can definitely feel the strength and peace that comes from this incredible book. Sure, I missed one or two days, but when I did, I picked right back up and caught myself up with the challenge. And on those days when I missed, I could tell by the way I was feeling about myself and about life, that I needed to read even more than before.

What have I learned from the Book of Mormon so far? That it is completely, undoubtedly, wholly true. I thought I had a testimony of the Book of Mormon before, and I am sure I did to an extent, but I have never actually studied these words before. I read them, for sure, but never studied them with a purpose. What I have found from these pages is peace of mind and resolve to do better. I have learned more about Christ's suffering and grace and patience. I have learned about my divine potential and what I have the ability to do with Heavenly Father's help. I have learned from the prophets that prayer is the surest way to a miracle, and that miracles can and do happen. I am only just to Mosiah, and I have learned all of these things.

In 2 Nephi 27:12, Nephi talks about a prohecy in which a book will be brought forth and shown to three witnesses by the power of God, and that these three witnesses will testify to truth of the book and the things therein. I want to add my witness to theirs. This is a true testament of Jesus Christ. The lessons taught within the pages of the Book of Mormon are meant for us, in this time to hear and take warning from. I know that as I continue to read and study and ponder the things in this book, I will be closer to Heavenly Father than ever before, and I will come to know Jesus Christ in a very personal way.

I love this book.